he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize