new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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