I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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