I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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