So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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