You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
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When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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