thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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