Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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