you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize