Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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