Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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