i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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