he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize