We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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