he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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