i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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