So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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