pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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