No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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