I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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