I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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