you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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