I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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