i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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