he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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