I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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