im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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