he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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