Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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