How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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