Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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