A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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