I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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