Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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