just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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