This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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