You can't motorboat a personality
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize