I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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