Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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