this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I love you. Go after that dick
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize