I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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