it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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