Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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