It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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