At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize