Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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