my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize