Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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