she looked like the before picture.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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