been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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